Yesterday, I woke up at 7 in the morning which was too early for a 10-hour graveyard duty.
I wasn’t emotionally well.
I tried to sleep at around 3 in the afternoon as so my mind could at least rest; my alarm went off at 05:45. I knew then that I had to take a paracetamol because my head was starting to ache.
I got up, took my bath, did a little make up and went off for work.
There was too much in my mind, chaotic really. Work haven’t even started yet but I felt like I’m gonna be sick, I wanna puke and any minute I may pass out. My heart was literally pounding and too heavy. I honestly felt alone and didn’t know where to run to. I felt like a loser thinking about “things” that shouldn’t even matter. I felt like I was a fucking trash.
Don’t you just hate the fact that we can never be enough for some people? That they don’t appreciate nor see that you are trying to be better? Have you ever felt small? Felt like everything they said about you maybe were true? …
I was so close to breaking down that I am trying so hard to hold my tears when my mom and sister called. Thank God they were up early and called. (They were five hours ahead of me)
My mind was too preoccupied by something else that I almost forgot that I actually have a family who I can run to. I may not be able to tell them what’s bothering me yet but the fact that they could make me laugh and give me the comfort that I was longing for that time, for I was feeling alone, was a reminder that they are the only people who I can truly rely to and the most important in my life. The only individuals who wouldn’t even think of leaving me as they accept and love me beyond my flaws.
Perhaps, now’s finally the time that I shouldn’t be too dependent to people who may just be there temporarily. Family are permanent and I wouldn’t trade mine for the world.
thanks for reading my short, messy, unorganized thoughts.
Wrote this spontaneously, just bcos i miss writing when something
makes me sad :(( this is me saying good night @ 8am lol!