📷 from tumblr: tarafirma
It has been months since I have graduated. Who would have thought that things would turn out this way?
I could still remember how I badly want to graduate when I was still in college; how I thought that it would be easy for me to find a job and get accepted as long as I do well in my interviews. I never would have thought that it is way more difficult than I have expected. But it really does feels great being able to graduate. You’re free and can now do things whatever you want. No deadlines to cram for, no quizzes nor exams that you will have to ace and most especially, no more sleepless nights due to studying or for projects.
I am a travel management graduate. For a short girl like me, it is actually my dream to be a cabin crew. After graduation and my internship, I took a break for about a month before I started attending the mass hiring of few local airlines. Unfortunately, I fail to meet their minimum height requirement. That’s the reason why I wasn’t able to push through the next stages. (If you happen to not know about the process, usually there is this initial screening where the recruiters would need to check your height, weight and skin. After that is the impact interview, an examination then final interview). The first time I got rejected, it felt like the whole world came crashing down around me. I felt so hopeless and really upset. Thanks to my momma though. She was there to comfort me and told me that there are lots of airlines out there and I would just have to keep fighting for my dream. After that experience, I tried numerous times again to apply, but unluckily, I still didn’t get in. Then there is this one international airline which would be organizing a massive hiring in our country for different positions and would be based in their country. We will have to send online application first because only short-listed applicants will be invited for the assessment interview. I’ve sent few applications for various positions. After a few days, I have received couple of emails stating that I didn’t meet their qualifications for I don’t have any experiences yet. Then one midnight, I have received an email from them again. And luckily this time, I was invited for an assessment interview (a VIP operations agent position). I don’t know what to feel. I wanna cry and shout because of too much happiness! I was just so grateful and feeling so blessed. I also found out that they will have an open day for cabin crew position so I decided to attend that event too. I want to grab every opportunity that comes along my way. The date of my assessment interview was 2 weeks after I have received the email then the coming weekend that time was the open day.
Open day came, the first thing that happened was the arm reach test. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to reach it. My ghad. My momma was on her way home already after she dropped me to the venue. I didn’t even spend half an hour and I was already eliminated. So I texted her and told her to pick me up. Thank goodness, my best friend’s (she also attended the event, we have the same dream tho she’s way too tall than me haha) mom was there. I was already close to crying as I was telling her that I didn’t make it. And then there’s this one parent who was intently staring at me while I was talking which made it worse. I tried to just laugh it off and I’m so thankful that my bff’s mom was there while I was waiting for my momma because I don’t know what I would do if I have no one that time. I prolly might have went to the restroom and be like a crying baby.
And so assessment day came as well. We had an English examination, answered an essay and another exam about our skin and the recruiters talked about the airline and the benefits. I was really praying and hoping that I would pass this because damn those benefits are almost the same with cabin crew’s. I passed all the examinations then after was the interview. There were also applicants who got eliminated. I waited for a really long time. I mean, really, really long time. Probably, more or less, 6 hours. I felt so tired waiting and it’s just so draining. You know, it’s more tiring when you’re doing nothing. Just imagine. Then my turn came. Applicants should actually have to go through 2 interviews. First and final. I don’t know if I am lucky but there were three (or idk if there’s more of us) of us who didn’t go through the first interview at all because they were trying to make everything quick for there were still applicants waiting for their turn to be interviewed. So it was like, I already made it to the final interview. It’s just sad though because I felt like the two interviewers were disappointed when I told them that I am a fresh grad but had my internship in an international airline. It’s because they were actually looking for applicants who have a minimum of 2 year experience. Their reaction got me nervous and upset as well. Then they asked me about what I did during my internship, I felt like my nervousness ate me. I wasn’t able to elaborate my answer. But I remained as enthusiastic as I could. I think, I have only spent less than 5 minutes inside. And I honestly don’t know if it’s a good thing or not. Results will be emailed to us after 2-4 weeks. I feel so freaking upset. Not to mention, that day was actually my birthday. Could I be more unlucky? I started overthinking again. Will I ever achieve my dream? Will I ever be able to ace interviews? I was even planning and thinking that if I ever pass this, I would try to reach my dream there. Because most international airlines don’t have any height/arm reach requirement. I would love to try my luck outside the country. I don’t know, it hurts and so painful. I feel really sad, upset, hopeless and helpless. Plus! Seeing my blockmates going through training already didn’t help at all. I’m trying not to compare my life from theirs, but I just can’t help it. It makes everything even worse for me. I never felt so depress. I thought things would be easier for me, but I have never been so wrong.
I came to the point where I don’t want to go out and hang with my friends, don’t want to talk with anyone that I didn’t even tweet for days, didn’t post anything on facebook and didn’t open my messenger. I don’t want people to know how or what I’m doing because it pains me when I ask them back and they will tell me that they got in and all. Then my relatives, wouldn’t stop asking me if I am already working. I actually graduated with an honor that is why they are expecting so much from me. And sometimes, pressure is just too much to handle. At some point, I felt worthless. All of a sudden, a scary thought has bumped into my head. I am just so scared right now because I might not be able to achieve my dream. I don’t want to be just an average woman. I want to be successful and excel in life. I have so many plans and I’m afraid that all these will just be plans forever. And I don’t want that to happen.
I know for a fact that all these thoughts aren’t healthy for me at all. I tried to be more open, I pray. I started reading inspiring and motivating articles and quotes. Started hanging out with my friends again. I got back to reading books that I love. I try to see the good and the brighter side of everything.
Just last week, I started passing resumes to various hotels (applied for their receptionist/front desk position). Not so bad, I thought. Perhaps, I could start here then find my way to my dream. One time, my friend asked me why don’t I try office work. I said no because I’m this kind of person who wants to move around, engage with people, connect and interact with people. I want to be in a job where I wouldn’t feel like I’m working. I don’t want to just sit in an office in front of a computer. I want to face people.
Moral of the story? I think that we all should learn to stop comparing our lives from the others for this may be the number one source of our sadness or worse, depression. We have different paths, different destiny. God knows what’s best for us. If something didn’t go right, go left. Just kidding! (k, that was corny) It means that there is something greater in store for us. We just have to trust God’s timing. We may not notice it, but we grow through all these trials. We eventually become stronger and smarter on how to handle difficulties in the future. All the rejections that we encounter would surely be worth it in the end. We must keep in mind that it’s not necessary for us to live up to people’s expectations. We are never meant to live as so we could please them. We don’t owe them anything. Focus more on yourself and be happy. Chase your dreams no matter how hard it may get. Remember, nothing worth having comes easy. Just because you took longer than others doesn’t mean you failed. Lastly! If things are really meant for you, it will be. God won’t put us where we don’t need to be.
I am actually still waiting for the result of my assessment interview. A week has just passed, and I’m really praying hard (for a miracle haha) to receive a congratulatory email hopefully next week. Wahh pray for me too loves!