lowest point of my life (so far)

As some of you may know, I’m a fresh travel management graduate. And these past few months have been so difficult for me. I feel like I’m not on the right track. I have been questioning myself, am I really for this industry?

If you have read my very first blog post, you’ll find out that it is actually my dream to be a cabin crew. And unfortunately, I’m a short girl (to those who are wondering, I’m 5’2) and local airlines here have a height requirement. After constantly getting rejected, I’ve decided to stop applying for that position for a while because I honestly have no hope here in our country. And so I started passing application to various hotels for front desk/GSO position and one local airline for a ground attendant position.

Some companies have contacted and invited me for an interview. However, I didn’t attend to some because the position they’re offering is either something I believe I wouldn’t enjoy or not really my forte. And on the other hand, the hotels where I’ve attended an interview have, unfortunately, rejected me again either because of the height requirement or I just simply didn’t meet their qualifications and wasn’t able to impress them.

Then just the other day, I found out the status of my application in this one local airline for a ground attendant position. I have passed the interview but I failed the examination. I was really sad and disappointed with myself. Then my friend told me that our other friend have passed it which made everything worse for me. Not gonna pretend, I did cry because of it. I felt like I’m on my lowest point and already doubting myself. How come she did it and I did not??

Am I ever gonna achieve something? Do I even have a potential? Will I ever get a job? Will I be successful? I felt all kinds of sadness.

But despite of it all, I am grateful beyond words because I have my best friends. They know how much I like to get that job. And I know that they know how much it hurts to get rejected again. They tried calling me right after I messaged them that I failed. I then told them not to because I’m just going to cry even more and I don’t want them to hear me crying and feeling so weak. They have comforted me so much I felt better and lighter.

The next day, honestly, I’m still in pain and it still hurts. It feels like the wound is still fresh. That is why, I tried distracting myself by doing something I am passionate about.

After having some alone time, reading various spiritual messages and thinking about what my best friends have told me, I’ve come to some realizations;

I’ve realized that it’s totally okay not to be okay. We don’t have to pretend that everything is fine when truth is it feels like the whole world is crashing down. It’s perfectly okay to cry your heart out and feel comforted with it. It’s okay to feel weak once in a while. And it’s absolutely okay to expect and be disappointed. Honestly, I don’t understand those people telling us not to expect as to avoid disappointments because how can that even be possible? We’re humans. It’s innate for us to expect most especially when it is something that you desire for so long or something that you’d die for. Perhaps, the best we could do is to prepare ourselves for the worst things that may happen and at the same time, expect for the great and positive things to happen. This is life. We will always be disappointed but that doesn’t mean that this will be a hindrance for us to continue chasing for what we want, love and dream. Let’s not make these disappointments, pain, and sadness to drag us down and give up. Let this serves as our motivation to be better and continue doing our best.

Keep moving forward. Keep believing. Keep hoping.  Ask help from the above. Don’t give up on your future.

Some things may really not be meant for us. Surely, it’s gonna hurt most especially if it really matters but be smart enough not to let your emotions get the best of you. God will always make us feel uncomfortable, awkward, and go through problems and challenges only because he wants us to grow. He is preparing us for whatever it is he has planned for us. Let us trust him, his plans and his timing. He certainly has something greater in store for us.

Success of other people doesn’t make us some sort of a loser or whatnot.  This shouldn’t be a reason for us to doubt ourselves and our own capabilities. Don’t make this as a discouragement. Let’s make our own path and never give up. God has set time for everyone’s opportunity. Likewise, nothing and nobody can block the blessings we deserve to experience in our life. What’s for us is for us. There’s no competition or worry. Just trust.

He is going to use all that negative energy to prepare us, to mold and to propel us into our destiny. 

Sometimes removing some things out of our life and closing doors that we thought are a great opportunity for us make room for greater things.

We may not understand it right now, but soon enough everything will make sense and we would all be grateful that we went through these.

Also, at the end of the day, what’s important is the blessings that we have right now. Our family, friends, supportive and positive people surrounding us. They genuinely keep me going. Hard times make me realize even more how lucky I am to be rich not with money but with these kinds of people.

Despite of the situations I’m going through, I know that I can still be happy with what I have at the moment and enjoy it as much as I could before everything changes. Because surely, in the future, I would look back on this moment and I wouldn’t want to disappoint my future self for worrying so much that I let this steal my happiness and that I have been so weak. I want my future self to be proud of me for not giving up and for not letting the small things drag me down.

We must always keep in mind that when things fall apart, consider the possibility that life knocked it down on purpose. Not to bully or to punish us but to prompt us to build something that better suits our personality and our purpose. As much as we want to plan our life, it has a way of surprising us with unexpected things that will make us happier that we originally planned. That’s what we call god’s will.

*note: italicized words/statements are actually from what I’ve read during the previous days*